Dating a Rice Queen

Dating A Rice Queen

Alexander Chee the American fiction writer and journalist has written an essay about his experience dating a rice queen. For those who don’t know a “rice queen” is

Gay male who prefers or exclusively dates Asian men.

Alexander Cheer writes

I knew what rice queens were, and they didn’t usually go for me. When I worked at A Different Light bookstore in the Castro in 1990s-era San Francisco, I remember selling them copies of OG magazine—short for “Oriental Guy”—these men fantasizing about the sex trips they took to Asian countries like the Philippines, Vietnam, Thailand, all of them in search of smooth young Asian men living in precarious economic conditions who were willing to do things sexually for, well, probably less than the cost of the magazine, in order to survive.

I had also been to the gay bars in San Francisco for Asian men, to discover they were for Asian men looking for white men and vice versa. As someone who was half, I was just exactly not enough of what each type wanted—exactly enough to be invisible to them or at least not eligible as desirable. They still walk by me sometimes, these mixed Asian and white gay couples, and I smile as both men seem to project their insecurities on to me, holding hands a little tighter as they walk by.

Even if it is only true half the times it happened, it is still funny.

As a result, I gave up on the idea that I would ever end up dating either kind of man—the gay white man who liked Asian men was likely not ever going to ask me out. I remember dancing with a white man once at a club, and he reached over and pulled my shirt front down to reveal my hairy chest. He looked shocked and then turned and left the dance floor, not even a good-bye, like I’d lied to him about the goods.

To read the entire essay go to My First (and Last) Time Dating a Rice Queen